Imagine your classroom working as a functional family, with each adult equally responsible during the good times and the bad. Everyone would step in and manage situations and everyone would share the stresses of the day. Sounds like a dream, right? Perhaps the adults in your school already work seamlessly together, in which case you are very lucky and probably in a unique environment. However, this isn’t always the case.
Only last week I found my shoulders and neck become tense, as I overheard the following phrases in school….
I’ll tell Mrs Battleaxe if you don’t stop!
Wait until Mr Shouty hears about this!
What do you think Mrs Sarcastic will think about your behaviour?
Why do some adults continue to respond in such a way to unwanted behaviours in school? Instead of becoming more angry, I gave them the benefit of the doubt; perhaps they don’t appreciate and understand the messages that these kind of responses give?
So in my attempt to support the adults in my team, and possibly your team too, I have written 5 key areas to consider when passing the responsibility of managing behaviour in school. (You can equally apply this to the home setting too.) Which I then shared during staff training.
1 Background of behaviour management
What’s often requested by the phrases above, is a public shaming and often nothing short of a bellowing at the student is good enough for the offended adult. During my early days as a trainee teacher this was very much the expectation. I can even recall my teaching mentor train me in the art of ‘How to scold a child’. I was told to think like Mohamed Ali and confuse my opponent, (child). Start quiet, then crank up the volume to loud, as if you are out of control, then bring it back to calm. This should ‘create fear in the child and show them who’s boss’.
Fortunately, with today’s behaviour knowledge, we’ve developed a greater understanding of the long term impact of our responses to unwanted behaviour. The recognition that behaviour is a form of communication and that children arrive in the classroom from a wide variety of experiences both positive and negative in their short lives. Connecting and building relationships is the most important thing we can do. Looking back, brings shame and embarrassed about the Mohamed Ali act: I wish I could apologise to the child who took the brunt of this during my early teaching career.
2 Behaviour management: what’s your message?
Let’s just talk this scenario through. A child has presented with unwanted behaviours repeatedly, and you may have sent them to an experienced colleague, deputy or even the Headteacher, as the last resort. What messages are you sending a child, when you direct them towards another adult if their behaviour doesn’t meet your expectations?
- I don’t have time for you
- I don’t care about you
- I don’t understand your needs
- I don’t have the skills to support you
- I’m unable to create a safe place for you
Rejection is the unspoken but painful feeling we can so easily suggest in the classroom. What do you think happens over time when this message is reinforced to a developing child?
Read this list back again and remove the word ‘don’t’ each time.
If a child is rejected by you in their time of need, what do you think will happen tomorrow when another situation occurs? How likely is it that the child will respond positively to the adult again? Would you listen to someone if their response had sent the message ‘I don’t care about you’? Predictably, the cycle continues. In schools we are in it for the long haul and unless there is a point where responsibility is taken by the adult, with time, care and understanding provided, these children can very quickly become labelled as ‘the naughty child’. The damage to these children can last a lifetime. But who is really to blame?
3 Know which behaviours trigger you?
First, acknowledge that the child has presumably worked out exactly which buttons to press on the adult to get a lovely, full-on emotional response. It’s exciting and sometimes controlling, to make adults behave in certain ways when you are a child trying to make sense of the world.
There is no doubt that working with children is stressful at times. However, when adults are stressed, our reactive default setting is to manage situations in ways that were modelled to us as children. This is often with not as much patience and thought as we’d usually apply to situations. Control takes over and the adult feels they cannot be seen to give in or be defeated by someone half their size.
Go to the headteacher!
Do you want me to call your mum?
4 Teach trusting relationships
Next, appreciate that it’s probably the adult who is struggling and needs support, just as much as the child. What strategies are missing? Most of the time it comes down to building a trusting relationship. If you trust someone you will have already experienced smaller give and take situations. Board games provide a regular opportunity for a shared experience and a chance for you to lose to a child, is always a long term winner. Developing trust does take time and a determined effort to find common ground with the child so when the big calls are needed, you will be able to lead, be trusted and have the child follow.
5 Listen and mediate
Lastly, if relationships haven’t been developed and you find yourself in a situation where a child has been brought to you, then take on the role of the mediator. Don’t let the adult leave the problem with you, but do start open conversations between the child and the adult, where both get to express their views and move forward positively.
- What happened?
- How do you feel?
- What could be different next time?
As in many disagreements, a lack of understanding and communication are often to blame. Create a classroom culture where everyone has the opportunity to express themselves, be heard and respected. Don’t forget, a ‘telling off’ consisting of shame and abandonment, may work for that moment in time, but can also be the start of a life time of damage.
Make a focus this year to model positive engagement and relationship building to your team. Your class will thank you for it!
If you would like more ideas to set up your inclusive classroom, then check out our behaviour mini-course to get you and your class team working within a positive environment asap. (Complete with FREE resources to download.)
thinking differently
The Autism Junction